Confusion and commotion trailed a wedding ceremony over the weekend in Imo state after the groom’s first wife attacked the bride on wedding day.
It is no longer news nor surprising that women in modern Nigeria can afford to share their spouse with another woman. But the rate at which this practice is increasing in Nigeria has become worrisome.
Not minding their level of education, the consciousness of the average African man especially those raised in the cultural setting, has not changed. Regardless of the level of westernization imbibed by an average African man in terms of his academic qualification, exposure, dressing, among others, when it comes to marriage, he remains an African man in his consciousness.
According to reports, the groom went to Apostolic church at Nkwo Orji in Owerri North area of the state to wed his second wife, but the church rejected him being that he is already married. It was gathered that the man went to another church known as the Altar of prayer Gospel ministries in the same area and the pastor accepted to wed them.
On the day of the wedding, Sunday, 25th November 2018, the first wife allegedly stormed the wedding venue and poured red oil on the bride/second wife’s wedding gown which nearly caused a big fight. Further details were not given as to whether the wedding still held.
A similar case of polygamous family
My friends call me a ‘strong man’,” 48-year-old furniture maker, Wasiu Bayeju, said with a grin. Sitting with a soiled singlet in front of his workshop in Agege area of Lagos, the man spotting a pot-belly, that many could easily conclude to be a beer gut, is far from being an epitome of masculinity. But the fact that Bayeju has two wives under his roof qualifies him as a ‘strong man’ in the eyes of his peers.
“They say the fact that I have two wives in a hard time like this means I am strong financially,” Bayeju said, as he grinned the more. That description summed up many of the assumptions about polygamous men in Nigeria. Assumption about their financial status and their sex lives are two of the “wars” men like Bayeju have had to constantly fight.
“It feels like war, many times,” he said. But at this point, his grin had metamorphosed into a grim expression that speaks of the turmoil that the man was battling with.
He regarded our correspondent with suspicion and asked again why he was being interviewed about sex in polygamous marriage. But now, Bayeju no longer grinned. He shook his head as if in self-derision when he was asked to explain what polygamous men like him go through in fulfilling their sexual duties to their wives without making the women feel cheated.
According to Bayeju, more than anything else, the issue of sex is a source of constant confrontation in marriages such as his. He said, “It is something that happens in the house and we just try to manage it without it degenerating into a big problem that neighbours will have to know about.
“What you need to know is that it is an issue that women feel really sensitive about, especially when they think you are favouring the other wife over them.”
Bayeju had a warning before he proceeded.
“If you have to marry more than one wife and still have some peace, then you should be ready not to cheat one as far as sex is concerned. When women in polygamous marriages are jealous of one another, then you have to abide by their rules about sex.
“There was a friend of mine, who also has two wives that I told about this thing and he called me stupid. He said I should not have allowed my wives to choose what days of the week I should dedicate to their sexual needs. He said it was his decision. But I told him that he could only say that because his two wives are not living under his roof.”
Bayeju, an Akoko, Ondo State indigene, said he had been living in Lagos for 17 years. According to him, he met and married his first wife in 2001. Then, a marital indiscretion led him to impregnate a woman, who became his second wife in 2008.
“The trouble was much,” he said.
According to him, his first wife, who already had two children for him at the time, threatened to burn down the house they lived in out of anger when she first heard about her husband’s deed. Bayeju said, “She told me that I should not even dare come to the house. Our family members later settled the issue and I had to bring my second wife into the house.
“It was war in the first few months. We were living in a mini-flat. So, I had to rent another apartment, a two-bedroomed flat so that they could get separate rooms. My first wife gave a long list of dos and don’ts. In fact, the issue of sex was out of it for many months as she refused to have sex with me.
“But when she eventually agreed, that was when the issue of a time-table started. My first wife said if I did not want to create trouble in the home, Friday, Saturday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday had to be her days. I knew she was trying to punish the new woman; but just to allow peace to reign, I told her I had agreed.
“My second wife is a gentle woman and never complained about all these. But things have gradually changed over the last few years. Now, it does not really matter to either of them anymore.”
As Bayeju spoke, it became clear that beyond the financial implication of polygamy, a system that is an integral part of traditional African societies, is not all it seems, at least as far as keeping up with sexual expectation of the women is another important issue
What’s your opinion about this incidence and do you encourage polygamy?…….kindly share your thoughts with us in the comment section below
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